Friday, November 4, 2011

Rants from a Normal Guy

Hello everybody.  Sorry it's taken a while to get back into the writing.  Been a long couple of months of school and then getting back into work again.  Today I am going to go on a little bit of a rant directed at both men and women....but mostly aimed at the guys.  You see, I like to think I am a pretty normal guy.  Unfortunately nice, normal guys like me don't tend to be all that popular.   For an interesting piece on this check out an article that Joanna, a friend of mine from high school, wrote with her friend Eli for their blog which was then posted on the Good Men Project website.  It's titled "Why the Nice Guy Deserves a Chance" and is a great article which really opened my eyes to what has always been a mystery to me.    Why is it that us normal, (fairly) drama free guys don't end up with the girl?   I think I may have figured out another reason for it....and here comes the rant. (buckle up)

Guys....PAY ATTENTION TO YOUR WOMAN!!   Show her some appreciation and pay attention to her.  By not doing that you are not helping yourself or anybody else out.  You do realize that women sit around and talk about there men to each other.  Once a couple of them start saying the same thing the "hive mind" starts thinking that all guys are like that and then society does the same thing.   To make things worse, when a guy does come along who pays attention, appreciates what he has and doesn't expect more than that, and is just an all around nice guy he is looked at as being different and odd somehow which causes the pretty lady to question if you are right for them.  

You see, I guess I am spoiled a bit.  I have a really great set of parents.  My Dad was a great example of how a guy should treat his woman.   My brothers and I got to watch first hand how a Gentlemen does it.  Now, I'm not saying us Crowder men are perfect or have unlocked the mystery that is Woman, but it is common knowledge that we date and marry women that are way out of our league.   How is this possible you must say?   Because we treat our women very well, which for those of you who don't know it means that we treat them the way they deserve to be treated!  Let me go ahead and repeat that....we treat them the way they deserve to be treated!  Now, just because we treat a woman the way they deserve to be treated doesn't mean that we are always successful like Prince Charming sweeping Snow White off her feet.   Look at me, I'm divorced and single again.   I'm not going to let that fact change what I do or how I do it though because treating a woman right is the right thing to do.  Who cares if it doesn't work out, at least I know that I did what I could and gave myself  a chance by not treating her poorly.  (Side note, I could write a book of rants on how I can't understand why a guy would treat a woman he "cares" about poorly...but thats for another time and after I take a nitro pill and some blood pressure meds.)

Okay, some of you may be wondering what it is that us Crowder guys do.  I'm not going to try and tell you that we have cracked the code that is the Female Psyche because that would be like telling you that you could get rich off of ocean front property in Baghdad.  Sorry, that Nobel Prize is going to be vacant forever, but I will share somethings that have worked for me.

One, pay attention when they are talking.   Don't just do the head nod and two word responses when they pause to catch their breath.   Actually listen to them, take mental notes about what they are saying.  You may find out in a seemingly meaningless conversation that she thinks that Ryan Gosling (that one was for you Joanna) is attractive.  Now ordinarily, this is the kind of thing that us guys would ignore because well, we don't care if a guy is attractive.  But your lady does.  The next time you are having a romantic movie night, surprise her with The Notebook.  She may or may not know that you picked it out because you remember what she said, but she will never the less enjoy watching the movie with you, and that's what we call winning!  (Side note #2:  I liked The Notebook, it was a good movie and I'm more than a little bit of a romantic so it worked for me, plus Rachel McAdams is beautiful, not Ryan Gosling)

Two, do things for her for no reason other than to show her you care.  This is a tough one honestly.  Part of the reason it is so hard is because society has come to relate unsolicited acts of kindness from a man in a relationship as some sort of bribe to either cover up something they have done, or a way to get something.   This is where I have to take a minute to say something to the ladies.   Hello Ladies......unless you have previous experience with a guy trying to do the cover up routine, give him the benefit of the doubt.  He may just be wanting to put a smile on your pretty face. 

Guys, here's a couple of ideas for you.  Surprise your woman.  Something simple like bringing her flowers for no reason is a winner.  You can even get smooth about it when she asks what the special occasion is by saying that you just wanted to say thank you for everything she does for you and because you like to see her smile.  Alright, ladies skip ahead a couple of lines because I am going to share a secret with the guys.....Here's the deal, you don't have to go out and spend an arm and a leg on flowers.  Go down the street to Walmart and spend 10 or 15 bucks.  The flowers look and smell just as good and in my experience have lasted alot longer than the ones from the florist.  Just make sure to use the plant food that comes with them. 

The second thing you can do for your special lady is by doing the things that she normally does.  Maybe surprise her by taking the afternoon off, if you can, and go home while she is at work and clean up the house.  Do some laundry, trust me it won't kill you, vaccuum, take the trash out.   Most importantly, make it so that the house is straight and that you have her favorite dinner either ready or almost ready when she gets home.  She won't be expecting it and if she had a bad day, odds are she was dreading getting home to a house she has to clean and a dinner she has to make.  By taking care of it unexpectedly you are making her day a bit better.  Who knows, if you make a habit of doing this or by sharing the responsibilities with her, she might actually start looking forward to coming home to see you.  If you really want to rachet things up a notch or two you can see idea #1 and have The Notebook on standby for after dinner.  Don't laugh, it works and you might just like the movie too.

Okay, I am drawing to a close, really I am.  Ladies, give a guy a shot.  If it doesn't work out, just let him know.  At least you gave him a chance and I am sure he will appreciate that you did.  Plus, if you don't give him a chance you will never have the opportunity to see if he really is a nice, normal guy who really wants to treat you right and not just another guy making the moves and playing the game so that he can get what he wants.   There really are nice guys out there.  Not all guys are only into that one thing.  Some guys are just simple, mild-mannered guys who aren't going to bring that drama in.  Guy's don't want drama and if you sit back and think for a second, it's not bad.  Sure, it's not how it is in the movies, but there is a lot less angst without the drama.  Here's a little thing I have learned that works for both the men and women out there.  Sometimes you have to stop looking for that special someone because if you are looking for them you may actually be looking in the wrong direction and that person could walk by right behind you.  You may just need to wait for them to find you, or if you are really lucky, you stumble upon each other.

All right boys and girls.  There goes the end of my long and winding rant for today.  Hopefully it made some sense and you are able to pull something out of it.  I can't guarantee I will post on a regular basis, but I will as the inspiration hits me.  If you have any requests for topics or anything like that let me know and I will see what I can do.  Have a great weekend!!

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